Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Cast of Characters:

Uncle Charlie,

Four cousins:

Joan,  niece of Uncle Charlie, a student at Milford High School

Lou , nephew of Uncle Charlie, also a student at MHS

Bonita, niece of Uncle Charlie, student at MHS

Huntz, nephew of Uncle Charlie, student at MHS

Cesar:  a handsome young  (mid-twenties) visitor from Carpathian Mountains

Ilinca, betrothed to Cesar, attractive young (early to mid-twenties), high -spirited woman from Carpathian Mountains.

Grigore (Uncle Grigore),  uncle of Ilinca

Mort (Mortimer), childhood friend of Uncle Charlie.  Artistic and chemical genius, owner of mysterious Milford Wax Museum. 

The Professor, Sinister man behind the plot.

Plamen, frightening henchman of the Professor.

…

 

Setting:  The gazebo in Center Street Park in Milford MI.  Daytime , early autumn.  Uncle Charlie, Lou and Joan.  Uncle Charlie is holding an upright vacuum cleaner.

Uncle Charlie:  Imagine running into you two like this.  I wonder if Bonita and Huntz are around her somewhere, perhaps looking for Pokémon, like all these other people?

Joan:  They should be around any minute.  We told Bonita and Huntz we would meet them here at the gazebo.

Uncle Charlie:  Well then, what shall we do when the gangs all here?  I have a few moments between errands.  Tell me, what has been going on with you two since our last get together at the corn roast?

Joan:  You know, Uncle Charlie, same old thing:  another school year.

Uncle Charlie: Ah,  a fresh year to start learning anew!

Lou:  And homework.

Joan:  New classes, new teachers, catching up with old friends.

Uncle Charlie:  Picking up the threads with old acquaintances, making new ones–

Lou:  And homework.

Joan:  Then there’s the choir.  We’re just getting started, but there are a lot of concerts and other events throughout the year.  It’s going to be very busy.

Uncle Charlie:  Ah, the wonderful, wide spectrum of the performing arts: vocal music, the theatre, the band;  the spectacle of the marching band performing during halftime, or marching down this very street  for the Thanksgiving Parade;the intellectual rigors of debate, the science clubs and competitions;  the vast range of the athletic arena: the gridiron, the court, the diamond to name but a few, the heroic efforts, the thrilling victories, the heartbreaking defeats–

Lou: The homework.

Uncle Charlie:  Lou, you seem to have a one track mind.

Lou:  I don’t have a one track mind Uncle Charlie.

Uncle Charlie:  My dear nephew, the whole time Joan has been telling me all about the many things going on in her sophomore year of high school,  all you have been able to contribute to the conversation is  ‘homework’.  If that isn’t a one track mind, I’d like to know what is.  What is this strange obsession you have with homework, aren’t you  getting enough?

Lou: Not getting enough!  Are you kidding?  Everyday I take my homework to school with me.  I drop the homework off with my teachers in each one of my classes.  I always feel  kind of sad because I worked so hard on it, but I tear myself away and say bye-bye to the homework and I start to feel pretty good, but then every day when I leave school to go home–BAM– I’ve got more homework.  I just can’t seem to shake it.

Uncle Charlie:  Lou, am I to understand that you think you have too much homework?

Lou:  Uncle Charlie, you never spoke a truer word.

Uncle Charlie:  Why Lou, I’m surprised at you.  Homework is like the pick and shovel to the goldmine of knowledge that rewards those who work for it.  Imagine yourself as a prospector–

Lou: A what?

Uncle Charlie:  A prospector.  Prospector.  You know what a prospector is, don’t you?

Lou:  Sure, Uncle Charlie.  A prospector is the guy who stands in front of the judge and jury and tries to prove the guy on trial  did it.

Uncle Charlie:  No, no, that’s a prosecutor.

Lou: I thought prosecutor was a kind of  ham.

Uncle Charlie:  No, that’s prosciutto.

Lou: Pros – what now?

Uncle Charlie:  Prosciutto.  Prosciutto.

Lou: Gazoontyke.

Uncle Charlie:  I didn’t sneeze.  I was trying to tell you the name of that ham.

Lou:  Oh yeah.  What was it again?

Uncle Charlie: Prosciutto.

Lou: Can you spell that?

Uncle Charlie:  Let’s see. P as in pineapple, R as in rosebud, O as in ostrich, S as in sasquatch, C as in cutie–

Lou: Is cutie a real word?

Uncle Charlie:  Alright then, cute, cutie, cutie-pie, take you pick.  Now where was I?  Ah yes, I as in incoherent, U as in unintelligible–

Lou: That reminds me of a girl.

Uncle Charlie:  Incoherent, or unintelligible?

Lou:  No, what you said before that.

Uncle Charlie:  Sasquatch reminds you of a girl?

Lou;  No, in between.  Cute, cutie, cutie-pie, take you pick.

Uncle Charlie:  Oh, I see.  There is a certain young lady to whom you are particularly attracted?

Lou: Yeah, and I think she’s sweet too.  And you know what else?  She’s about the only girl in school who doesn’t seem like she’s about to bust out laughing every time she looks at me.

Uncle Charlie:  What do you do to elicit such a reaction from the rest of the female contingent of your school?

Lou:  Nothing!  That’s just it.  Emily, that’s her name, Emily is the only girl in the school who takes me seriously.  She’s almost  the only one who doesn’t make me feel the biggest, dumbest dope in the whole place.

Uncle Charlie:  Possibly Lou you are being over critical of the other young ladies’  opinion of you.

Lou:  You think so Uncle Charlie?  Boy, I sure hope so.  Some days it’s awful hard to go to school when you feel  like you’re just a big jerk.

Uncle Charlie:  But you’re not a big jerk Lou.  You know that.

Lou:  Yeah, I know. Thanks for reminding me,  Uncle Charlie.

 

To be continued . . .

 

Click here to read Campfire Creepers Three– Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part2)

 

 

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