Continued from  Campfire Creepers: My Friends Head (social media edition part1)

 

Charlie:  That’s okay.  I’ve removed it from the bag.  Just as I thought, this head is a very fine cabbage.

Joe:  Cabbage?  Did you say cabbage?

Charlie:  Yes,  cabbage.

Joe:  You had me terrified all this time about a head of cabbage?  Why didn’t you specify “A HEAD OF CABBAGE,”  instead of just saying “A head”?

Charlie:  I wanted to be sure.  I thought there was just the slightest chance it was lettuce, but I knew from the sound it made when it landed that it was probably too heavy to be lettuce.  Still, I had to make sure.  I know how you don’t like cabbage.

Joe: Never mind how I don’t like cabbage.  You had me believing there was a human head in that bag.

Charlie: A human head ?  You  thought there was a human head in this  bag?

Joe:  Yes, a human head.  Or actually half a human head,  which is even worse.

Charlie:  Come on Joe,  that’s crazy.  I mean, seriously,  what kind of person would do something like that?

Joe:  Someone pretty bad?

Charlie:  Hold on  a minute.  What are we talking about Joe?  Nobody cut off anybody’s head.  That was just a cabbage in that bag, remember?

Joe: Yeah, that’s right.  It was just a cabbage.

Charlie:  We’re getting all creeped out over a head of cabbage.

Joe: Yeah, a head of cabbage.  That’s pretty funny.  Imagine that.

Charlie:  Boy, do I feel relieved.

Joe:  Charlie, there’s just one thing I want to know.

Charlie:  Yeah Joe, what’s that?

Joe:  Who threw that cabbage?

Charlie:  You’re right, somebody threw it.

Joe:  Somebody out there.

Charlie: In  the dark.

Joe: Surrounding us.

Charlie:  Somebody with an incredibly sharp instrument.

Joe: What do you suppose they want?

Charlie: Probably just some pranksters, trying to frighten us for laughs.

Joe:  Yeah, and it worked.

Charlie:  YOU OUT THERE!

Joe: Did you hear that, they’re laughing at us.

Charlie:   YOU’VE HAD YOUR LAUGH.   NOW,  WHO ARE YOU?

Mysterious  voice #1:  We are The Keepers of the Dark Wood.

Charlie:  The Keepers of the Dark Wood?

Mysterious Voice #2: Yes, you’ve heard of us?

Charlie: No.

Mysterious Voice #2: We’re on Facebook.

Charlie: No

Mysterious Voice#2: Twitter?

Joe: Afraid not.

Mysterious Voice#2 Instagram? Snapchat?

Charlie:  Sorry, nothing.

Mysterious Voice #1: Enough!  Stop this useless babbling.  We are here to trade with you.

Charlie:  Trade, what kind of a trade?

Mysterious Voice #1:  A fair trade.   A one for one trade.

Joe:   We don’t appreciate your little prank. Suppose we don’t want to trade with you?

Mysterious Voice #1:  You are trespassers in the Dark Wood.  There are penalties for that, if we choose to be unpleasant.  And besides, we could just take what we want.  If you are wise, you will accept the offer to trade.

Charlie:  Tell us first what you want to trade.

Mysterious Voice #1:  You have our trade item in your hand.

Charlie:  This?  The cabbage?

Mysterious Voice #1:  That is correct.  The head of cabbage.

Joe: And in return you want?

Mysterious Voice #1: In return for our head–

Joe: Actually it’s half a head.

Mysterious Voice #1: Very well, in return for our half a head, we want half a head of yours.

Charlie:  You want half of one of our heads?

Mysterious Voice #1:  Come,  come, you have two.  All we ask is half of one.

Charlie:  What you’re suggesting is, is…?

Mysterious Voice #1:  What we are suggesting is that one of you gentleman bring us half of one head between the two that you have.

Charlie: And which of us do you suppose is going to do that?

Mysterious Voice #1:  Naturally I assume that is something you two will settle between yourselves.  I should imagine the one who acts first will manage to decide the matter quickly.  I notice that camp axe near your fire.

Charlie:  What you’re suggesting is–

Mysterious Voice #1 :  I am merely suggesting that one of you execute the trade we have proposed.  The alternative would be unpleasant for both of you.     This way at least one of you can avoid a loss.

Joe:  Charlie, what are you doing?  Come back here.

Charlie:  I’m sorry Joe, but it has to be this way.

Joe:  Charlie, put down that axe!  Charlie, please, in the name of our friendship no!

Charlie:  There’s no other way Joe.  It’s either one or both of us, you heard him.  Joe?  Joe?  I guess the shock was to much for you, old friend, you’ve passed out.  Perhaps it’s just as well, I wouldn’t want to see the look in your eyes when I–well at least this axe is good and sharp.  One quick, solid blow ought to do it.  There!  It’s done.  I’m sorry old friend, but it was yours or mine. YOU OUT THERE, HERE IT IS.

Huntz:  Wait a minute Uncle Charlie, wait a minute!

Uncle Charlie:  Yes Huntz, what is it?

Huntz:  You said this was a true story, right?

Uncle Charle:  That’s right Huntz.

Huntz:  And so far there are only four people in the story.  Two of them are those weird keepers and one of them is this Joe guy and from the sound of it he’s not going to be doing much talking, so how come you know so much about it?

Uncle Charlie:  Why Huntz, I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out by now.

Huntz:  Figured what out, Uncle Charlie?

Joan:  That our Uncle Charlie is the Charlie in the story, Huntz.

Huntz:  What?  Uncle Charlie?  You mean with the axe and the head and Joe laying there on the ground?   Joan, I’m surprised at you.  That’s our Uncle Charlie you’re talking about.

Uncle Charlie:  I’m afraid your cousin is right Huntz.  I am the Charlie in the story.

Huntz:  Meep.

Uncle Charlie:  What was that?

Huntz:  Nothing.  Has anyone seen Lou?

Bonita:  I haven’t seen Lou for a while, but I do see his sleeping bag shivering.

Joan:  Lou?  Lou, are you under there?

Lou:  Leave me alone.   Unless your next words are “We’re getting out of here” just leave me alone.

Huntz:  I agree with Lou.  Uncle Charlie, how could you?

Uncle Charlie:  If you kids will just calm down and let me finish the story,  you will see just how, and what, I really did.

Huntz:  Well, all right.  But you stay on your own side of the fire.  I’m staying here between Joan and Bonita.

Uncle Charlie:    Now,  getting back to the story.   So, there I was, holding my friends head in my hands, and  the voice said.

Mysterious Voice #1:  Bring it to me.

Charlie:  I can’t see very well beyond the campfire.  I’m walking to the sound of your voice.

Mysterious Voice #1:  I’m right here, in the shadows.  Bring it.

Charlie:  Well,  here it is.  I can’t see you, but I can feel your hands;  they’re rough, and cracked, like old leather.

Mysterious Voice #1:  Life is harsh here in the Dark Woods.

Charlie:  Have you tried moisturizer?

Mysterious Voice #1:  We don’t get to the store very often.

Mysterious Voice #2:  I told you about Amazon Prime.  We could get anything we want delivered right here.

Charlie:  He’s right you know.  They even have drones.  No driver, just a little automated flying thingy, delivers the package right here.

Mysterious Voice #2:  Ooh, a drone.    I would love to see a drone.

Mysterious Voice #1: Silence.  I am not interested in drones or moisturizer.  You will hand over your trade item please.

Charlie:  There it is, take it.

Mysterious Voice #1:  Yes, very fine.

Charlie:  Do you mind telling me  what are you going to do with it?

Mysterious Voice #1:  We are going to eat it.

Continued in Campfire Creepers: Campfire Creepers: My Friends Head (social media edition part 2)

 

 

copyright 2016 r.k.morris