Click here to read Friends, Snowmen, Countrymen, Be of Good Cheer. A Tale of Christmas Time. (Part One.).
Click here to read Friends, Snowmen, Countrymen, Be of Good Cheer. A Tale of Christmas Time (Part Two).
Click here to read Friends, Snowmen, Countrymen, Be of Good Cheer, A Tale of Christmas Time (Part Three).
Click here to read Friends, Snowmen, Countrymen, Be of Good Cheer. A Tale of Christmas Time (Part 4 rev.)
Part Five: A Yuletide snowball of confusion.
Phil and Frankie were busily building the snowfamily in earnest, when they had an unexpected visit from a neighbor. The boys are afraid someone might think they have stolen the coveralls they are wearing, so Phil has decided to do the talking until they find out what the man wants. We rejoin our friends just after Phil has greeted the man with a “Merry Christmas.” and the man replies:
“Good afternoon gentlemen, and Merry Christmas.”
“Nice day for Christmas Eve, isn’t it? All this snow.”
“Yes.”
“We’re building a snowman. Actually a whole snowfamily.”
“I see. It seems that you two may have lost your way.”
“Lost our way? How do you mean?”
“Well, I mean, shouldn’t you be somewhere else?”
“No. This is the spot I’ve chosen. I’m not leaving until we’ve finished building this snowfamily. They have to be finished tonight, it’s very important!”
“Very well, I didn’t mean to excite you. Your friend seems to be having trouble rolling that giant snowball.”
“Oh, excuse me. Hey, Mr. Bunyan, you want some help with that?”
“Sure Babe, I could use a hand.”
“Excuse me, mister, I need to give him a hand.”
“Of course, but first, did you just call him Mr. Bunyan?”
“Sure, you know as in Paul Bunyan.”
“And he called you Babe?”
“Yeah, you know the blue ox. Of course that’s not my real name, I just let him call me that, you know, to humor him.”
“Come on Curly, this thing’s getting heavy!”
“Now he called you Curly.”
“Yeah, that’s what he usually calls me.”
“Are Moe and Larry around somewhere?”
“Moe and Larry? Ha ha, that’s a good one, mister. Listen, I’d love to stop and chat, but I really want to get this done.”
“One more thing, tell me, how did you happen to get here?”
“What here? We just walked out the front door.”
“Just walked out?”
“Yeah, the front door, same as any other normal person. Is that so hard to believe?”
“No, no, not at all. I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t–that is, that there is anything unusual about you walking out the front door. Oh, look, here comes Officer Carson. Perhaps he would like to hear all about your snowfamily. Merry Christmas, Officer Carson.”
“Merry Christmas Mr. Gordon, gentlemen. Mr. Gordon, I have those toys we collected at the station all ready, I wonder if you could relay a message to Mrs. Gordon?”
“Certainly, excuse us gentlemen… I don’t think they can hear us over here. They seem harmless enough, but they refuse to consider leaving until they finish building their snowfamily.”
“This is a tough spot. I wonder how they got out?”
“When I asked them they said that they just walked out the front door.”
“Seriously? Somebody must have slipped to let that happen. Listen, you go back to your house and call Morning Rise, tell them two of their guests are missing. It’s a good thing the Rest Home provides all their patients with those orange jump suits; makes them real easy to spot whenever any of them wander off like those two. Look at them, poor souls, just out playing in the snow. I kind of envy them in a way. You know, when you’ve been a cop for a few years, you see some pretty unpleasant things; the things people do, I mean, and some days you wonder if the whole world has become nasty and mean and uncaring. Some days I ask myself where all the innocence has gone. Seeing those two reminds of what it was like to be a kid, and how nice I thought the world would be when all us kids grew up and changed it. Instead it seems the world changed us. Just look at those happy souls, they haven’t got a clue. Why if it weren’t for those orange suits, they’d just look like a couple of poor, dumb lugs who never grew up. ”
“Yes, but they are wearing the suits, and it’s no mistake. You can see the stencils: Property of M.R.R.H; Morning Rise Rest Home.”
“Yeah, you’re right. They’re a couple of patients all right. I’ll stay here and try to humor them. Most of the residents there are harmless, just so long as you keep them calm. I’ll try to talk these two into coming down to the station with me, but I won’t push it if they start to get excited, so just keep an eye on us. Try to let me know how soon the wagon will get here to pick them up.”
“Right. Be careful though, that one thinks he’s Paul Bunyan, and the other one has a split personality between Babe the blue ox and Curly from the Three Stooges.”
“Thanks for the heads up. I wouldn’t want him to get a hold of an axe and think I was a tree. Oh well, the only thing I see that he might go for is that snow shovel stuck in the bank over there. Here I go… Well, you two sure have been busy. That’s a mighty big snowman you’ve built there. How many more are you going to make.”
“A Mama and a sister and a brother.”
“Well, that’s very nice, a whole family. Say, it’s getting cold out here. Why don’t you fellows come with me to the station. We’ve got homemade Christmas cookies, and plenty hot to drink. That will warm us all up. What do you say?”
“You got ahead. We’ve got to finish this snowfamily.”
“You’ve got to finish? Well, then if you can stand the cold, so can I. I’ll just stay with you.”
“Would you like to give us a hand?”
“I think I’d better keep both hands free.”
“What’s that? I didn’t hear you.”
“I said I’m not free to help. Normally I love to build snowmen, same as you, but, I’m on duty, and well you know, the uniform and all. I wouldn’t want to get it all soaked building a snowman.”
“Sure, sure. Too bad you don’t have a nice pair of coveralls like these to keep you dry.”
“Yes, they certainly do look like they keep you dry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a set of coveralls like that in a store. Do you mind telling me where you got them?”
Frankie, who had been keeping quiet until now replied:
“We didn’t steal them, if that’s what you mean.”
“Why no Paul, of course not. I wasn’t suggesting that you stole them. It’s obvious that they belong to you and that you, well, you belong in them.”
“Excuse me, Officer Carson, did you just call him Paul?”
“That’s right Curly, I did.”
“You know my name is Curly, and his name is..?”
“His name is Paul Bunyan, that’s right Curly If you come with me, I think we might be able to find Moe and Larry down at the station having some Christmas cookies.”
“Just a moment please, Officer Carson, I have to talk to Frankie, I mean Paul. Excuse me… Frankie, Frankie, hold on a second, listen to this. I think that Officer Carson is missing a few brass buttons.”
“What are you talking about Curly?”
” He thinks you’re really Paul Bunyan, and he wants us to help him go find Moe and Larry from the Three Stooges.”
“Gee, this is a tough spot. Better humor him. Maybe if we let him think he’s taking us to the station, the other policemen can subdue him without anybody getting hurt.”
“I suppose that’s the best thing to do, but I hate to leave off building this snowfamily. Still, we can’t let a policeman wander around in his state of mind. Look at him, poor sap. If it wasn’t for the uniform, he’d look just like any other big, dumb cluck. Still, in a way, I envy him Frankie. He’s not jaded, not cynical like so many of the rest of us; just believing in his fantasy world with childish innocence. That’s what the world has lost, Frankie; that childish innocence. We’ve got to fight to regain that, and then hold onto it, so we don’t all end up jaded, selfish, destructive, lonely people.”
“Yeah, but there’s got to be some rational ground between being jaded and selfish and walking around believing in fairy-tale characters. You want to have some innocence, all right, but you can’t be foolish and believe everything, otherwise you end up like Officer Carson there.”
“I suppose you’re right, Frankie. Still, there’s got to be a way to believe in truth, to retain at least that much innocence, without believing in fairy tales. Poor Officer Carson. On Christmas Eve too.”
“We’d better let him take us in. He’s starting to look antsy, like he’s expecting the paddy wagon to come and take him away or something.”
“Okay, here goes. Oh Officer Carson, Paul Bunyan and I have decided we will help you go and look for Moe and Larry at the station.”
“That’s great, say you’ll love the Christmas cookies too. The sarge’s wife has been baking all week, and boy are her cookies and treats delicious.”
Unnoticed by Phil, Frankie, or Officer Carson, a young girl had just joined them.
“Excuse me, Mr. Policeman.”
“Yes, who’s that?”
“It’s me, Mary Elizabeth.”
“Merry Christmas, Mary Elizabeth. It’s nice to meet you, but, you shouldn’t be here–I mean, you shouldn’t be out in the cold without your mittens. Does your mother know you’re out here?”
“No, but my grandmother sent me out to invite you and these other two gentlemen in for some hot cocoa and Christmas cookies. She just put a fresh batch in the oven. And see , my mittens are right here in my pocket. Besides, if my fingers get cold, you’ll hold my hands to keep them warm, won’t you?”
“Well, sure I will Mary Elizabeth, but some other time. I really think you should be running along now. These gentlemen and I were just going down to the station–”
“Please Mr. Policeman, my grandmother will be so happy; she saw these two nice gentlemen here building the snowman and so she decided to make an extra batch, just for them, and then she saw you too and wanted to make sure you came into the house so she could wish you a Merry Christmas.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to disappoint your grandmother. Maybe I could walk you back to the house and wish your grandmother a Merry Christmas, and grab a few cookies for myself and these other gentlemen while they wait here. What do you guys say to that?”
“Mary Elizabeth seems to really want us to go with her, and besides, her grandmother put in an extra batch just for us. We would be ungrateful if we didn’t go and accept her kindness and wish her a Merry Christmas. I think it best that we should escort Mary Elizabeth back to her grandmother’s house while you wait here. We would be glad to bring you some cookie’s, Officer Carson.”
“No. As long as you’re going with Mary Elizabeth, I think it best that I escort her too.”
“All right then, that’s settled.”
“Come on, my grandmother’s house is right next door.”
“Excuse me Mary Elizabeth, did you say your grandmother’s house is right next door?”
“Yes, see, we’re almost there already.”
“Well, do you have a sister, or a girl cousin staying with your grandmother?”
“I’ve got lot’s of girl cousins, but I’m the only one staying with my grandmother and grandfather right now.”
“Then who was that sick little girl I saw being carried into the house by a nurse last night?”
“That was no sick little girl, that was me. I was tired, that’s why my Mommy was carrying me.”
“Your Mommy? I thought your Mommy was in a terrible accident.”
“No sir, she wasn’t in an accident, she was in a play.”
“A play? Why was she dressed like a nurse?”
“That’s her character. Mommy was cast as nurse Mary Lee in the play Christmas in Connecticut.”
“She was cast in the play. Oh brother, was I ever mistaken! I feel like an idiot.”
“That’s okay Mister, everybody makes mistakes. Come on in and have some of Grandma’s Christmas cookies, that will make you feel better.”
To be continued…
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Notes on first version: As with Campfire Creepers: My Friends Head. I acknowledge a debt to the Golden Age of Radio for inspiration in the development of the story line and characters in this piece. I would like to specifically mention the outstanding Phil Harris and Alice Faye Show as the basis of the dynamic between the two friends to whom you have just been introduced. In recognition of the inspiration provided by the Harris and Fay Show, I have named the characters Phil “Curly”, and Frankie, after Phil “Curly” Harris, as himself, and Frankie Remley, who was a real life musician in Phil’s band, but whose character on the show was played by Elliott Lewis. I hope you shall meet a character named Alice a little later in the story.
To my lovely wife Sarah, thank you for your ongoing support, patience and encouragement. Thank you for listening to my thoughts and ramblings. I am grateful for your feedback, input, and ideas, all of which I value and treasure.
To listen to or find out more about the great radio shows of the past, I recommend Sirius/XM Radio Classics channel 148 , http://www.radiospirits.com , or http://GregBellMedia.com.
