Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Lou:  Ilinca, I just thought of something.  A silver bullet isn’t any good against the were-wolf, unless you fire it from a rifle.

Ilinca:  Rifle?

Lou:  Yeah, you know, Pow!

Ilinca:  Yeah, rifle.  Well, I tell you  Lou, I no can bring rifle from my country  to America.

Lou:  That’s right, I forgot.  But, when you’re at home, on the nights of the full moon, do you carry a rifle?

Ilinca:  Ah, my little rifle Lou.

Lou:  Your little rifle?

Ilinca:  Ya, my father give me small rifle, was his ever since he was boy.  Papa called it  his squirrel- gun.

Lou:  Did your father hunt squirrel?

Ilinca:  No, he no hunt.  We got plenty food, and no got time be chasing animals with rifle.  He call it squirrel gun because light and easy for small boy or girl to use.  No kick. Papa what you call marksman.

Lou:  A marksman?  You mean he was an expert at hitting targets?

Ilinca:  That’s it, he shoot at targets, always hits the bulls-eyes.  When Papa in military, he win plenty medals for marksmanships.  Because of Papa, his outfit always win shooting competition with other units in military.  After Papa done with service in military, he still like to shoot, so he enter contests whenever he can.  One day he enter big contest with best marksmen from all over whole region, and what you think?

Lou: Did your father win?

Ilinca:  You bet he won.  And you know what else?  First prize for winner was brand new rifle.  Finest rifle made for target shooting.  Papa very happy with prize rifle, but he still like his little squirrel gun.  So he teach me all about safety, how to clean rifle,  everything he learn in military, and how to shoot, be expert shot like him,  then he give me his squirrel gun, so I have rifle to shoot silver bullet at were-wolf.

Lou:  I bet you felt safer, having that squirrel gun with you during a full moon, just in case.

Ilinca:  Ya, was good feeling to know I was prepared, just in case.  Was good little rifle, I was good shot too.  I miss my little squirrel gun, especially when is full moon.

Lou:  Miss it? What happened?

Ilinca:  Is long story Lou.  Start six, seven years ago, when I little girl.  I really not follow story because I so young, Uncle Grigore, he follow story.  What I learn from him is that about that time we have big change in our country.

Lou:  Big change?

Ilinca;  Ya, new leaders get elected, start passing all kind of laws, make government bigger, say they going to do all kinds of things for the people.

Lou: What kinds of things?

Ilinca: I don’t know.  Uncle Grigore, he maybe know.  One thing I tell you is I keep hearing how people not get along so well like when I was little girl, but I say to myself, what happened?  We same people as before, now with new government we told we no get along with each other, how this possible?

Lou:  Sure sounds strange.  So what happened to your rifle?

Ilinca:  Oh, ya.  Remember I tell you government started passing all kind of laws?  One day they pass law make it illegal for citizen to own gun.

Lou:  Did they come to your house?

Ilinca:  No, one night, during full moon, I was out with torch and silver bullet and squirrel gun–

Lou:  And your cross.

Ilinca:  Ya, and cross, right here.  Anyway, there  I was, keeping eye out for vampire and were-wolves, when what you think?  Man see me,  shout, ‘hey little girl, what you got there? ‘ then come up to me, looking at me like I some kind of criminal, he show me what you call– credentials from government, and he say  I no more can own this rifle, and he take it from me.

Lou: Just like that?

Ilinca:  Ya.  Big government take my squirrel-gun away.

Lou:  So now what will you do if you see a were-wolf?

Ilinca:  Now what I do?  I show were-wolf silver bullet and hope for best.

Lou:   I don’t think that will do much good.

Ilinca:  You telling me.   Make me more careful to not walk around at time of full moon.

Lou:  Didn’t your government suggest any plan to protect yourselves?

Ilinca:  They do more than suggest.  When they take away guns, they give us whistle to blow on.

Lou:  A whistle?

Ilinca: Yes.

Lou: To blow on?

Ilinca:  That’s right. Make plenty loud noise.

Lou:  Is that to frighten the werewolf away?

Ilinca:  No, loud noise  so government man  can hear, and know where to look for body.

Lou:   At least since tonight is a full moon we’re together with our two silver bullets.  You don’t think a were-wolf will come out early tonight, do you?

Ilinca:  I don’t think we got to worry about that.  Every were-wolf I ever see or hear about wait till after dark.  Remember, is something about full moon rising in sky.

Lou;  That’s right.  At least we’re safe until it gets dark.

Ilinca:  Lou, is my turn to ask you something.  Whole time we talk, I keep thinking you look familiar to me.  Where I see you before?

Lou:  At the Little Theatre.

Ilinca;  Little Theatre?

Lou;  Sure, you know, at Milford High, I’ve seen you there,  working on the play.

Ilinca:  Oh, is that where I see you?  I guess I too busy to pay much attention.  That’s right, now you remind me, your cousins, Joan and Bonita, and Huntz, they all there too.  You are all what is called ‘student director’ am I right?

Lou:  That’s right.  Although there isn’t much to direct.

Ilinca:  Not much to direct? What you mean?

Lou:  I mean that show that Professor guy brought with him. Whose idea was it to bring in a cultural exchange director for this show anyway?  And why couldn’t he let us do Peppa Pig, like we were going to do?  Instead he brings in some play called Stonehenge Jr.

Ilinca:  You no like Stonehenge Jr.?

Lou:  No like?  What’s to like?  There is no set, no costumes, no props, and hardly any lines.  The performers just sit around in a circle and pretend they are a bunch of stones, communicating in soft monotones with each other, contemplating the effects of wind and weather on their grey surfaces. Whose idea of a play is that?  Usually the work shop has two or three moms and dads, and the dressing room is full of moms doing costumes and make up all through rehearsal, but because of this dreary show we’re doing, the whole backstage area is empty.  Almost all the rehearsals are done is Ms. Weeks’ room.  I walk into the Little Theatre most days and I don’t see a single living person, except that Professor fellow and the strange guy, Plamen.  Why are they hanging around inside the Little Theatre if there is nothing to do on the stage, and all the performers are out in another room?

Ilinca:  They love  The Stage?

 

To be continued. . .

Copyright 2017 r.k.morris

 

 

 

Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at the beginning Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Uncle Charlie:  What about you, Cesar, Uncle Grigore, would you care to join us?

Cesar:  You going, Miss Joan?

Joan:  It does sound a little creepy, but I’ll go if you do.

Cesar:  Sure, then we have time to talk before dance.  I like to hear all about you, about things you do.

Joan:  The dance isn’t until Saturday night.

Cesar:  Good, that gives us more time.   Well, I ready.  We go see wax museum now?

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore, I think you go with Cesar and others.  Keep eye on him, make sure he no get into trouble.

Cesar:  Me?  What kind of trouble?

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore knows, right Uncle Grigore?

Grigore:  Sure, I know.  Well, what we waiting for?  Let’s go to wax museum.

Bonita:  We have to follow Uncle Charlie.  He has to show us  to the wax museum.

Grigore:  Sure, we all go together, but what for Uncle Charlie got to show us?  Is right over there.

Uncle Charlie:  Say that again please, Uncle Grigore.

Grigore:  You mean about wax museum?  Is right over there.

Uncle Charlie:  Over there?

Grigore:  Sure, by door with sign that say ‘Opera House Built 1875.’  Right between restaurant and bride’s dress shop.

Uncle Charlie:  Then you really can see it.

Grigore:  Sure I see.  All the time I keep eyes open, look out for little niece, and nephew.

Uncle Charlie:  That’s amazing.

Grigore:  Not so amazing.  I make promise to sister I look out for Ilinca, and Cesar.

Uncle Charlie:  Yes,  but what I meant was that you could see the wax museum at all.

Grigore:  What so amazing about that?  Wax museum right out in open, right  in big building, right between other business.

Bonita:  What do you think it means, Uncle Charlie?

Uncle Charlie:  I don’t know dear, it’s as big a mystery to me as how most people can’t see the museum at all.  We’ll have to ask Mort about this.  I can’t explain.

Grigore:  Is no big mystery. When you live in Carpathian mountains, you see lots of things no can explain.

Uncle Charlie:  The Carpathian mountains, is that your home?

Grigore:  Sure, I live there whole life, same as niece and nephew here.

Uncle Charlie;  It sounds very interesting,  Perhaps you could tell me more about it as we go?

Grigore:  Sure, I tell you.

Uncle Charlie:  Ilinca, Lou, are you two sure you won’t join us?

Ilinca:  We okay right here Uncle Charlie.  We see you later perhaps.

Uncle Charlie:  Okay.  Bye for now.

Exit Uncle Charlie, Joan Cesar, Bonita, Huntz and Grigore towards Main Street.

Lou:  Thanks for staying with me Ilinca.  I feel safer already.

Ilinca:  Is no trouble.  You nice boy, make me feel safe too.

Lou:  I do?

Ilinca:  Sure, you big, strong boy.

Lou: Me?

Ilinca: What’s the matter, you no believe?

Lou:  Sure, I believe.  Do you believe?

Ilinca:  Sure, why else I say if I no believe?  I think is best thing for you to stick close to Ilinca.  Like you say, is safer for both me and for you.

Lou:    Ilinca,  there is something I need to ask you.  Did I just hear Uncle Grigore say you are from the Carpathian Mountains?

Ilinca:  Ya, Sure. Carpathian Mountains.  All of us, Uncle Grigore, Cesar, and me,  Mama, Papa, all the other aunts and uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, bunicile, bunici —

Lou:  Bunici, are those some Italian relatives?

Ilinca:  No, Bunicile and bunici is grandmamma and grandpapa.  Like I say,  we all there, in village in Carpathian Mountains.  You been  Carpathian Mountains?

Lou:  No, I’ve never been there.  Aren’t the Carpathian Mountains in Transylvania?

Ilinca:  Sure, that’s right.  You been Transylvania?

Lou:  No.

Ilinca:  You know much about Transylvania?

Lou:  Only what I see in the movies.

Ilinca:  Oh,  only the movies?  That’s great.  Ask me anything you like, I can tell you plenty more about Transylvania.

Lou:  Is your village in Transylvania?

Ilinca:  No, is right next door in little country called Scramsylvania.

Lou:  Scramsylvania?  I never heard of that place before.

Ilinca:  Hardly nobody ever heard of Scramsylvania.  Is very small.  Is like–like, what is American phrase for small place, out of way?

Lou:  A one horse town?

Ilinca:  That’s it!  A one horse town,  only we got five horses, three ox-carts,   and one jack-ass.

Lou:  Only one jack-ass?  That must be a small place.  My friend Lenny says we have a lot of jack-asses in our town.

Ilinca;  Really?  I never see one.

Lou:  Neither do I, but Lenny does.  He says they’re a big bother.

Ilinca:  Whose big brother is jack-ass?

Lou:  No, no.  Not brother.  Bother. Bother.

Ilinca:  Oh, bother?  I make mistake.   No, jack-ass in our village no bother most of time.  Do his work, stand in shade under tree when not working.  He very friendly little fellow really.

Lou:  Friendly?

Ilinca:  Sure, he let you scratch behind ears, and give him nice big pat , back here, on rump.

Lou : He sounds like a very familiar fellow.

Ilinca:  Sure is familiar.  We got only one jack-ass in village, see same one every day.  How he not look familiar?   Only time he bother is when wants his oats.

Lou:  His oats?

Ilinca:  Sure, somebody got to take bucket of oats to him, soon as he hear everyone else sit down for dinner inside  house.  He make big bother then,  running around outside, kicking  and making big noise, he no let us forget he is hungry jack ass.  Soon as he gets oats, he calm down.

Lou:  I’m glad to hear he finally behaves himself.  That’s no way to ask for dinner.

Ilinca:  Well, what else can he do?  After dinner,  jack ass no bother for rest of day, unless he walk out in street of village.

Lou;  Does he make trouble in the street?

Ilinca:  That nice way to put, Lou.   I like.  Sure, somebody got to go out with shovel, clean up after jack ass if he make trouble in street.

Lou:  Don’t they have plumbing, or outhouses or something like that in Scramsylvania?

Ilinca:  Sure, we got plenty outhouses.  Some people even got indoor plumbing.  But what good that for jack ass?  Plumbing is for people, not for big hairy animal.

Lou:  Ilinca, you shouldn’t say such things. He may be big and he may be hairy, but after all, every boy has a mother somewhere.  Think how it would hurt her if she heard you talking about her son like that.

Ilinca:  Oh Lou, you funny boy.

Lou:  Me?

Ilinca:  Sure, whole time  when I talking about jack ass,  you think I talking about man.

Lou:  Weren’t you?

Ilinca:  No, I talking about real jack ass, not man make jack ass out of self.

Lou:  Oh.  I bet you think I’m pretty silly.

Ilinca:  No, I no think you silly Lou.  You sweet boy.  I like you.

Lou:You do?

Ilinca:  Sure, you believe all kinds of things, it make what I doing so much easier.

Lou;  Makes what easier, Ilinca?

Ilinca:  Oh, nothing, I guess I just thinking out loud.  What we talking about before get we get confused about jack ass?

Lou:  We were talking about Scramsylvania.

Ilinca:  Yes, that is right.  You telling me you learn about Transylvania from movies, and now you want me tell you about Scramsylvania.

Lou:  That’s right.

Ilinca;  Well, what you want to know?

Lou:  Tell me what it’s  like there, in Scramsylvania.

Ilinca:  Is lot like Transylvania.

Lou:  How much is a lot?

 

To be continued …

 

Copyright 2017 r.k.morris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Uncle Charlie:  I’d like to oblige you Cesar, but I hardly think it’s my place.  You should speak to Joan’s parents.

Joan:  No, Uncle Charlie!

Uncle Charlie:  What is wrong with that suggestion, dear?

Joan:  We’re wasting time.  I mean, it seems like an awful lot of trouble to go tracking down Mom and Dad, when you can settle things right away, I mean, after all, we’re a very close family, and they trust your judgement.

Uncle Charlie: Joan, don’t put me in this spot.

Joan:  Uncle Charlie, please?

Uncle Charlie: Alright dear, I’ll do it, on one condition.

Joan:  Thank you Uncle Charlie.

Uncle Charlie:  Listen to my condition before you get too excited.

Joan: Alright, name it.

Uncle Charlie: It’s simply this: that if your mother and father object or show the least hesitation in allowing you to attend the dance with this young man, the whole thing is off, and no hard feelings.  Agreed?

Joan:  Agreed.  But you’ll let me tell them about him in my own way?

Uncle Charlie:  Fair enough, as long as I am present to make sure you don’t leave out any important details.

Joan:  Alright.

Uncle Charlie:  Very well then.  Cesar, as the senior member of this family present, and acting on behalf of my sister and brother-in-law, and pending their final approval of the arrangement, I give you permission to escort my niece Joan to the Homecoming dance.

Cesar:  Oh boy!  Thank you Uncle Charlie.  You no be sorry.  I make good escort for Joan.  We have good time, but no monkey business, not even on  dance floor.

Uncle Charlie:  That’s fine Cesar.

Cesar:  Yes sir, I telling you.  You can trust Cesar.  Whole time on dance floor, these hands, see?  One hand here, holds her hand, her soft, dainty hand, and one hand here, in middle of back.  No slipping down of the hand, no, no.  I be a perfect gentleman the whole time.

Uncle Charlie:  I am sure Joan’s parents will be glad to hear that.

Cesar:  They not the only ones.

Uncle Charlie: I beg your pardon?

Cesar:  I was  thinking of–of my mother.  Always she wants me to be a perfect gentleman.  She so sweet.  She get hurt if she think I no act like gentleman.  Ilinca knows.  Isn’t that right, Ilinca?

Ilinca:  That’s right, Cesar.

Cesar:  And I was thinking how pleased Mama will be when she finds out what a perfect gentleman I am at  Homecoming dance.

Ilinca:  That’s right Cesar.  She  be pleased.  And you be plenty sorry if you do something that not please Mama.

Cesar: Oh, trust me, Ilanca, I not do anything that not please Mama.

Ilinca:  You such a good boy, Cesar.  I tell Mama all about what perfect gentleman you are at Homecoming dance.

Cesar:  Oh…Thank you Ilinca.

Enter Grigore

Ilinca:  Cesar, look, is Uncle Grigore.  We over here, Uncle Grigore.  Cesar, call Uncle Grigore, so he see us.

Cesar:  Oh, yes, Uncle Grigore, we over here.

Grigore:  Here you two.  I look all up and down the Main Street for you.

Ilinca:  What’s that Uncle Grigore, you got a little problem, you need to ask about all alone?  Okay, just a second.  Excuse me folks, Uncle Grigore, need to talk to me all alone.  I be just a minute.  (pulls Grigore aside)  Listen, I no got time to explain right now, you just need to know that Cesar and I pretend to be brother and sister.  Also he pretend be only sixteen years and I only fifteen years.

Grigore:  Why you pretend such things?

Ilinca:  Like I say, I no got time to explain, only that we got to fool those kids. You recognize those kids?

Grigore:  Sure, they high school students help with play in Little Theatre.  Why you want fool those kids?  They nice kids.

Ilinca:  We got to fool them so maybe we find out what they know.  Cesar, he’s sitting here for long time, he hears them talk all about strange things going on at Little Theatre.  We no want them get in way of plans to find treasure.

Grigore: Ilinca, I no like this.  You hiding around Little Theatre, look for treasure, more like thief in night.  Why big secret, why Professor make all these pretends?  Now you want fool these nice kids.  I say you let Professor find treasure on own, we go home now, leave this before trouble start.

Ilinca:  No!  We got to help Professor find treasure, otherwise he no pay us,  Cesar and I wait long time get married.  This our big chance to have enough money, get married.

Grigore:  Don’t take so much money get married.  We go home, I give you my little bit money, then you and Cesar get married.

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore, you so kind, but no, I no can take your money.  Besides, we got to do this.  I think if we try leave now, there be even more trouble.  Professor maybe get angry, and Plamen …

Grigore:  Plamen make threats at you?

Ilinca:  No, he no make threats, but I no like look in his eyes.  I tell you, that Plamen, he frightens me.  We stay, finish job for Professor, then, after he pay us, we go home, forget all about this bad business.

Grigore:  Okay, we stay, you finish job for Professor, but I no like.  What you want me do?

Ilinca:  Just pretend Cesar and  I brother and sister, and that we teen-agers, like I tell you.  Also, I tell you now,  worst part is Cesar pretend to have big crush on Joan.  I want you watch him, Uncle Grigore, make sure he behave.

Grigore:  Okay Ilinca.  I watch Cesar.  Also I pretend, but I no like fooling nice kids.  Who is man with kids?

Ilinca:  He is  Uncle Charlie.  He nice too, just like kids.  We make friends right away.

Grigore:  You think you fool Uncle Charlie too?

Ilinca:  Sure, he believe everything Cesar and I tell them.  Now come on, I introduce you now. (To others)  Every body, Uncle Charlie, Joan, Bonita, Lou, and Huntz, I want introduce you to my, and Cesar’s , Uncle Grigore.  Uncle Grigore, this everybody like I just say.

Grigore:  How you do everybody? Is nice to meet you.

Uncle Charlie:  Nice to meet you too Grigore, or should I call you Uncle Grigore, since your niece and nephew have been kind enough to adopt me as their uncle?

Grigore:  That’s okay Uncle Charlie; I no mind either way, you can call me Grigore, or you can call me Uncle Grigore, same goes for kids too.

Bonita:  Well, Uncle Grigore, we were just about to go see the Milford Wax Museum.  Would you care to join us?

Lou: Remember, count me out.  I’m not going anywhere near those monsters, even if they are made of wax.

Ilinca:  Monsters?  What monsters, Lou?

Lou:  The Wolf-man, and Dracula, and the Frankenstein monster and the Bride of Frankenstein.

Ilinca:  Bride of Frankenstein, really?  Is cosy, no?

Lou:  Cosy or no cosy, I’m not going in there.  I’ll just stay out here, in the sunshine, with the bright leaves, and the fresh air, and no monsters.

Grigore:  You no like the monsters, Lou?

Lou:  No, not me.

Grigore:  Not even make-believe?

Lou:  No sir.  I’ll take my chances out here in the sunshine.

Grigore:  How you know there no monsters out here?

Lou:  If there were monsters out here, I would see them.

Grigore:  What about Invisible Man?

Lou:  The Invisible Man wasn’t a monster, he was a man.

Grigore:  Sure, same as Wolf-man is man until he turn into werewolf.

Lou:  (Utters frightened exclamation)  What was that?  I thought I felt some one breathing down my neck.

Uncle Charlie:  Relax Lou, there is no one behind you.

Lou:  How do you know?  If he’s invisible, you wouldn’t see him.

Ilinca:  You know Lou, I no want to see monsters either.  I stay out here in sunshine with you.  Invisible Man no bother both of us, if we stay close together.

Lou:  You mean you’ll stay out here and protect me, I mean keep me company?

Ilinca:  Sure, I stay with you.

 

To be continued . . .

 

copyright 2017 r.k.morris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Uncle Charlie:  You are sixteen years old you say?

Cesar:  Sure.  I be seventeen in August.

Uncle Charlie:  That is a very luxuriant moustache you have  for a sixteen year old, Cesar.

Cesar:  Luxuriant?  What is luxuriant?

Uncle Charlie:  Growing with vigor and in great abundance.

Cesar:  Oh, sure.  You Like?  You should see before I shave.

Uncle Charlie:  Before you shaved?

Cesar: Sure.  I shave most of it off before I fly to your country; not want to pay for extra weight on airplane.  Ha ha, I make  joke.  You like?  Pretty good, eh?  I tell you what though, if you think my moustache is something, you should see my fathers moustache.

Uncle Charlie:  Very impressive, is it?

Cesar:  Impressive?  You bet impressive.  Papa shaves this much off every day before breakfast.

Uncle Charlie:  Amazing.

Cesar:  Oh ho, I know you are thinking sounds kind of crazy, but all the men in my family like that.  We, what’s the word, mature, very early.  I been shaving ever since I was ten.  All the boys in my family have moustache like this by time they sixteen.

Uncle Charlie:  As you say, they mature at an early age.

Cesar:  Sure, my whole village  like that.  You know we got no boys choir in our church?

Uncle Charlie: No?

Cesar:  No, by time boys old enough to hold music, voice has changed.

Uncle Charlie:  Remarkable.  Must be something in the water.

Cesar;  Sure, we got good water.  Comes from  mountain.  All very strong, very healthy.  We live good long lives, get married,  always have plenty  children.

Uncle Charlie:  Yes.  Perhaps we are getting ahead of ourselves.  I notice a young lady with you.

Cesar:  Oh, please forgive me,  In  excitement to meet you lovely people, especially Joan, I forgot about my Ilinca. Please, allow me to introduce to you kind people this lovely young lady with the lovely black hair and the beautiful dark eyes and, er, other beautiful parts, my sister, Ilinca.

Uncle Charlie:  That’s quite an introduction.

Cesar:  Sure,  why not?  Ilinca quite a sister.

Ilinca:  How do you do?   Is nice to meet all of you.

Cesar:  Ilinca is one beautiful young woman, no?  Any man, I mean  teenage boy like me, would be glad to have her for his, how you say, sweetheart.

Uncle Charlie:  Have you Ilinca, a special young man, a sweetheart, as we say?

Ilinca:  Sure, I got sweetheart.  He nice fellow, sometimes.

Uncle Charlie:  Do you miss him, being away from home?

Ilinca:  No, I no miss him.  I got sweetheart right here in America.

Cesar:  What? Who this fellow? I break his arms if he touch you with even one finger.

Uncle Charlie:  Cesar, you sound almost jealous.  Surely as a brother, you cannot object to Ilincaa having a sweetheart.

Cesar:  Sure, sure.  I her brother.  I no jealous.  I only mean, I break his arms if he no  present himself first to Mama and Papa, to get their approval.  How American boy get approval from Mama and Papa when they at home in our village?

Ilinca:  Cesar, don’t be silly.  Sweetheart is not American boy.

Cesar: No?

Ilinca: No, is boy from our village, just like you.

Cesar:   Like me? Oh.  Oh, yes, like me.  That’s okay then.  You bet, Ilinca got plenty nice sweetheart.

Uncle Charlie:  It’s very good of you to look out for your sister, Cesar.

Cesar:  Sure.  You bet, even though she older, I look out for her, just same as if she little sister.  Ouch!

Uncle Charlie:  What is it?

Cesar:  I don’t know.  Strange pain in foot all of sudden. (Aside to Ilinca)  Why you stomp on foot like that?

Ilinca:  (Aside to Cesar)  Why you tell them I older sister?  I younger than you.  You tell them I younger sister!

Cesar: (Aside to Ilinca) Listen, how they believe you younger sister when I tell them I only sixteen years?  Nobody going to believe you fourteen years.

Ilinca:  (Aside to Cesar)Then you tell them I am fifteen years, same as Joan.

Cesar:  (Aside to Ilinca)Fourteen, fifteen, makes no difference, nobody going to believe that.

Ilinca:  (Aside to Cesar)  You tell them, or you walk with limp rest of day.

Cesar: (Aside to Ilinca)  Okay, okay, I tell them you fifteen years, but I no like. (To all)  Excuse me folks, I make mistake.  Ilinca not my older sister, she my younger sister.

Uncle Charlie:  You made a mistake about which one of you was older?

Cesar:  Sure, happens to me all the time.  I got another sister, Daciana, she the older one.  All the times I get Daciana and Ilinca mixed up.  Ilinca is younger sister.  She much nicer too.   Sweet temper.   She never hurt nobody, right Ilinca?

Ilinca:  Nobody that don’t have it coming to them.

Uncle Charlie:  You are the younger sister, Ilinca?  Just  how young are you?

Natasha:  Fifteen.

Uncle Charlie:  Fifteen?

Cesar:  But she be sixteen pretty soon, in June.  Girls drink same water as boys, grow up fast.

Uncle Charlie:  In June!?  Your father must be impetuous.

Cesar: No, he no in Texas.  Papa home in village with Mama, just like I tell you few minutes ago.

Natasha:  My brother Cesar make mistake.  I be sixteen in October.  It is sister Daciana who have birthday in June.

Uncle Charlie:  October, yes, I see.  Still, your mother must be a remarkable woman.

Cesar:    Sure she remarkable, she my mother!

Uncle Charlie:  Yes, I should say she has quite a constitution.

Cesar:  No, she got good digestion, same as rest of family.  What about you, you got stomach problems?

Uncle Charlie:  No, my stomach is fine.  What I meant was, your mother must be a very strong woman, made of sturdy stuff.

Cesar:  Sure, she sturdy, strong woman, my mother.  To look at her you think she just like soft flower, very pretty and delicate, but she very strong, I tell you.  One time she wrestle bear.

Bonita:  A bear?!

Cesar:  Sure, was trained bear, but still bear.  One time gypsies camp near village.  Whole town go out to see.  Gypsies play music, tell fortunes, do tricks with flaming swords, you know; when bear walks up to Papa, give him nudge with nose.  Gypsy man see this and say ‘ Ah,  Jacaus  want to wrestle you.  This sign of honor.’  Papa start to stand up to wrestle bear when Mama say ‘ I got honor too.  You sit down, Mihai, I wrestle bear.’ So mama get up and wrestle bear.

Bonita:  Was she alright?

Cesar:  Sure she alright.  She win two out of three.   Of course before final throw, bear sneeze and how you say, lose his balance, make it easier for Mama to win, but bear no complain.  Everybody give Mama big cheer.  Bear get extra honey for being such good sport.  Much laughter, much music and dance after that.  Sure, my Mama made of sturdy stuff.  Always it good to see Papa and Mama dance and laugh together.

Huntz:  Did your father wrestle the bear after that?

Cesar:  What for he want to give up dancing with beautiful wife to wrestle bear?  You think he stupid?

Huntz:  No, no.  I didn’t mean anything like that.

Cesar:  That’s okay, cousin Huntz, I just having joke with you.  Picture of Mama and Papa dancing make me very happy.  I like to joke when I feel happy.  I hope you no mind.

Huntz:  I don’t mind.

Bonita:  We’re glad you feel so happy, and that you feel comfortable enough already to joke with us.

Cesar:  Oh sure, I get comfortable right away, soon as I like people.  I don’t waste no time.  That reminds me,  I got a question for you, maybe you can explain something to me.

Bonita:  Sure, Cesar, what is it?

Cesar:  Just in the little while I been here in Milford, I keep hearing the young people, you know, the other teengers, like Ilinca and me, talk about this Coming-home dance.

Uncle Charlie:  Coming-home?  You mean the Home coming dance?

Cesar:  Ya, that’s it!  You heard about it too?

Bonita:  I imagine just about everyone in Milford and Highland knows about the Homecoming dance.  It’s a big dance at the high school, one of the biggest events of the year.

Cesar:  A big event?  That sounds nice.  I love to dance.  Too bad I no go to school here, then I could go and dance.

Bonita:  I suppose you don’t actually have to go to Milford to go to the dance, as long as your date went to Milford.

Cesar:  My date?  You mean the young lady?  Of course, but that is problem.  I know no young ladies in Milford, except of course you, Bonita, and your charming cousin Joan.

Bonita:  That is a problem.  I already have a date for the dance , —

Cesar:  Miss Joan?

Joan: Yes?

Cesar:  No,  I cannot ask you.  I got to do this the right way

Joan: Do what?

Cesar:  You see.  Uncle Charlie, you are the uncle of this charming young lady, this Joan standing here right next to us,  right?

Uncle Charlie:  That is correct, Cesar.

Cesar:  Then it is my privilege sir, to ask you if I may have the honor of escorting your niece Joan to the big event, the Homecoming dance.

 

 

To be continued…

 

Copyright 2017 r.k.morris

 

 

 

 

Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to read Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Ilinca:  What about that blonde?

Cesar:  Blonde?  What blonde?

Ilinca:  You know what blonde, or do I maybe have to tear out your moustache to make you remember?

Cesar:  No, no.  Do you mean the blonde, I mean Miss Betty, in the show?

Ilinca:  That’s the one, that blonde Betty.  I see the way you make eyes at her.

Cesar:  I no make eyes at blonde Betty, I merely look at her in character.

Ilinca:  Since when people look with the lips?  I see the way you kiss her.

Cesar:  You see me kiss blonde Betty?

Ilinca:  Aha, you think you get away with some hanky panky!

Cesar:  No, no, I swear.  It’s in the script.  I have to kiss blonde Betty.

Ilinca:  Yeah, one time script says you kiss her.  How come I see you kiss her plenty times?

Cesar:  We got to rehearse.

Ilinca:  Not like that you don’t.  Also, script says blonde Betty is supposed to be your grandmother.  Is that the way you kiss your grandmother?

Cesar:  No! Never!  How can you say such a thing?  My poor grandmother would blush with shame.

Ilinca:  Aha!  I knew it!

Cesar:  Knew what?

Ilinca: That all the time you was kissing blonde Betty you was not thinking about your grandmother, you was thinking about blonde Betty!

Cesar: Ilinca,  my angel, my turnip, I swear it no!  I was thinking only of you.

Ilinca:  Thinking of me?  That’s a good one.  How can you say that, you no good good for nothing, when blonde Betty is blonde and my hair is black?

Cesar:  Curse her blonde hair!  It is your hair I love.

Ilinca:  And blonde Betty has blue eyes, and mine are dark.

Cesar:  Curse her blue eyes!  It is your eyes I love.

Ilinca:  And blonde Betty is big —

Cesar:  She not so big, almost same size as you, up to here.

Ilinca:  I don’t mean big like that.  I mean big like this.  She got the big bosums.

Cesar:  I never noticed blonde Bettys  bosums.

Ilinca:  Never noticed, eh?

Cesar:  No, I swear.  All the time we do show together she is wearing grandmother dress, up to here.

Ilinca:  Aha, but what about rehearsals?  She no wear grandmother dress at rehearsals.  And what about flashback number, huh, what about that one?   She wear low-cut blouse in that number.  I see the way blonde Betty lean forward at front of stage in low-cut blouse, I see the way all the men look at her in low-cut blouse, and you tell me you no notice?

Cesar:  I not on stage for flashback number.  My character not even born in flashback number.  Whole time I stand back of curtain, look through peep-hole, wait for cue.  I no see blonde Betty’s low-cut blouse because whole time I watch her from behind.

Ilinca: From behind?

Cesar:  That’s right.

Ilinca:  Whole time you watch blonde Betty from behind?

Cesar:  I swear it.  Whole time I never see one bosom.  I only watch  behind.

Ilinca:  So! whole time you can’t take your eyes from blonde Betty’s behind!  Maybe you like her behind better than mine!

Cesar: Ilinca, no!  Curse her bosums!  Blast her behind!  It is your bosums and your behind I love.

Ilinca: (Screams)  You monster, you fiend, you devil!

Cesar:  What?

Ilinca:  I am disgraced!

Cesar:  Disgraced, how?  What did I do?

Ilinca:  Oh, my poor Mama.  Thank God she is not here to listen to her daughter be shamed in such a way.  If only Papa were here, he would protect my honor.  Why, with his bare hands he would break you in two for disgracing his little Ilinca.

Cesar:  Ilinca, please,  how did I disgrace you?  What did I say?

Ilinca:   How can you say ‘what did I say’?  You know what you say.  In front of all these people, all these strangers,  in this strange country, you go shouting around the whole town  about my bosums and my behind.

Cesar:  The whole place?  What?  I was not shouting.  You are shouting.

Ilinca:  You do not love me.  I am just a catalogue of parts to you.

Cesar:  Ilinca, please, my angel, my pet, my own pumpkin, believe me.  It is you I love, the whole you, not the parts.

Ilinca:  What’s wrong with my parts?

Cesar:  Nothing.  I love them too, but only as part of the whole.

Ilinca:  Sure, you say you love me. Is it because you love me send me here with Grigore and the Professor and that horrible Plamen , so you can stay behind and stare at blonde Betty’s behind?

Cesar:  Ilinca, my own little radish, she is not my blonde Betty, I swear it.  I stayed only because producer say I must stay to finish show.  Can I help it if it was big success?  He says if I leave before final week, contract says he no have to pay me.  What could I do? Things not so good in our country right now. You know we need any money we can make so we get married.

Ilinca:  Married!  Ha!

Cesar:  Ilinca!

Ilinca:  For three years now you keep saying we get married soon. But look, three years and still Ilinca is not married.  What my family think?

Cesar:  Your family has waited three years already.  Surely they can wait a little more.

Ilinca:  Maybe they can, but I not so sure about me.

Cesar:  Ilinca!

Ilinca:  You just a no good wolf, that’s what you are.  You keep me put away on shelf,  then you go chasing after your blonde Betty and all the other pretty girls, but you no care about Ilinca.

Cesar:  Ilinca, my angel, my own sweet tender-leafed cabbage, how can you say such things?

Ilinca.  No cabbages for you!  I am not your Garden of Eden.  Keep your hands to yourself, you snake.

Cesar:  But snakes do not have hands.

Ilinca:  Don’t try to change the subject.

Cesar:  Ilinca, please listen to me.   I get big idea sitting here,  that’s what I want to tell you about.  You listen to this, then you see how much your Cesar want to marry you, soon as possible.

Ilinca:  Well, I listen, but I not so sure I see.

Cesar:  Okay.  Just listen, but pretty soon, you see.  Now I got to talk quiet so those people don’t hear me.

Ilinca:  What people?

Cesar:  Those, over there.  You recognize them?

Ilinca:  Yes, those are those high school kids who keep getting in the way at the high school, at Little Theatre.

Cesar:  I thought so.  I heard them talking all about it.  Wait till you hear what I have to tell you.

Ilinca: Well, go on tell me.

Cesar: They think something funny is up at the Little Theatre.

 

 

To be continued…

 

Copyrigh 2017 r.k.morris