Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at the beginning Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Uncle Charlie:  What about you, Cesar, Uncle Grigore, would you care to join us?

Cesar:  You going, Miss Joan?

Joan:  It does sound a little creepy, but I’ll go if you do.

Cesar:  Sure, then we have time to talk before dance.  I like to hear all about you, about things you do.

Joan:  The dance isn’t until Saturday night.

Cesar:  Good, that gives us more time.   Well, I ready.  We go see wax museum now?

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore, I think you go with Cesar and others.  Keep eye on him, make sure he no get into trouble.

Cesar:  Me?  What kind of trouble?

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore knows, right Uncle Grigore?

Grigore:  Sure, I know.  Well, what we waiting for?  Let’s go to wax museum.

Bonita:  We have to follow Uncle Charlie.  He has to show us  to the wax museum.

Grigore:  Sure, we all go together, but what for Uncle Charlie got to show us?  Is right over there.

Uncle Charlie:  Say that again please, Uncle Grigore.

Grigore:  You mean about wax museum?  Is right over there.

Uncle Charlie:  Over there?

Grigore:  Sure, by door with sign that say ‘Opera House Built 1875.’  Right between restaurant and bride’s dress shop.

Uncle Charlie:  Then you really can see it.

Grigore:  Sure I see.  All the time I keep eyes open, look out for little niece, and nephew.

Uncle Charlie:  That’s amazing.

Grigore:  Not so amazing.  I make promise to sister I look out for Ilinca, and Cesar.

Uncle Charlie:  Yes,  but what I meant was that you could see the wax museum at all.

Grigore:  What so amazing about that?  Wax museum right out in open, right  in big building, right between other business.

Bonita:  What do you think it means, Uncle Charlie?

Uncle Charlie:  I don’t know dear, it’s as big a mystery to me as how most people can’t see the museum at all.  We’ll have to ask Mort about this.  I can’t explain.

Grigore:  Is no big mystery. When you live in Carpathian mountains, you see lots of things no can explain.

Uncle Charlie:  The Carpathian mountains, is that your home?

Grigore:  Sure, I live there whole life, same as niece and nephew here.

Uncle Charlie;  It sounds very interesting,  Perhaps you could tell me more about it as we go?

Grigore:  Sure, I tell you.

Uncle Charlie:  Ilinca, Lou, are you two sure you won’t join us?

Ilinca:  We okay right here Uncle Charlie.  We see you later perhaps.

Uncle Charlie:  Okay.  Bye for now.

Exit Uncle Charlie, Joan Cesar, Bonita, Huntz and Grigore towards Main Street.

Lou:  Thanks for staying with me Ilinca.  I feel safer already.

Ilinca:  Is no trouble.  You nice boy, make me feel safe too.

Lou:  I do?

Ilinca:  Sure, you big, strong boy.

Lou: Me?

Ilinca: What’s the matter, you no believe?

Lou:  Sure, I believe.  Do you believe?

Ilinca:  Sure, why else I say if I no believe?  I think is best thing for you to stick close to Ilinca.  Like you say, is safer for both me and for you.

Lou:    Ilinca,  there is something I need to ask you.  Did I just hear Uncle Grigore say you are from the Carpathian Mountains?

Ilinca:  Ya, Sure. Carpathian Mountains.  All of us, Uncle Grigore, Cesar, and me,  Mama, Papa, all the other aunts and uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, bunicile, bunici —

Lou:  Bunici, are those some Italian relatives?

Ilinca:  No, Bunicile and bunici is grandmamma and grandpapa.  Like I say,  we all there, in village in Carpathian Mountains.  You been  Carpathian Mountains?

Lou:  No, I’ve never been there.  Aren’t the Carpathian Mountains in Transylvania?

Ilinca:  Sure, that’s right.  You been Transylvania?

Lou:  No.

Ilinca:  You know much about Transylvania?

Lou:  Only what I see in the movies.

Ilinca:  Oh,  only the movies?  That’s great.  Ask me anything you like, I can tell you plenty more about Transylvania.

Lou:  Is your village in Transylvania?

Ilinca:  No, is right next door in little country called Scramsylvania.

Lou:  Scramsylvania?  I never heard of that place before.

Ilinca:  Hardly nobody ever heard of Scramsylvania.  Is very small.  Is like–like, what is American phrase for small place, out of way?

Lou:  A one horse town?

Ilinca:  That’s it!  A one horse town,  only we got five horses, three ox-carts,   and one jack-ass.

Lou:  Only one jack-ass?  That must be a small place.  My friend Lenny says we have a lot of jack-asses in our town.

Ilinca;  Really?  I never see one.

Lou:  Neither do I, but Lenny does.  He says they’re a big bother.

Ilinca:  Whose big brother is jack-ass?

Lou:  No, no.  Not brother.  Bother. Bother.

Ilinca:  Oh, bother?  I make mistake.   No, jack-ass in our village no bother most of time.  Do his work, stand in shade under tree when not working.  He very friendly little fellow really.

Lou:  Friendly?

Ilinca:  Sure, he let you scratch behind ears, and give him nice big pat , back here, on rump.

Lou : He sounds like a very familiar fellow.

Ilinca:  Sure is familiar.  We got only one jack-ass in village, see same one every day.  How he not look familiar?   Only time he bother is when wants his oats.

Lou:  His oats?

Ilinca:  Sure, somebody got to take bucket of oats to him, soon as he hear everyone else sit down for dinner inside  house.  He make big bother then,  running around outside, kicking  and making big noise, he no let us forget he is hungry jack ass.  Soon as he gets oats, he calm down.

Lou:  I’m glad to hear he finally behaves himself.  That’s no way to ask for dinner.

Ilinca:  Well, what else can he do?  After dinner,  jack ass no bother for rest of day, unless he walk out in street of village.

Lou;  Does he make trouble in the street?

Ilinca:  That nice way to put, Lou.   I like.  Sure, somebody got to go out with shovel, clean up after jack ass if he make trouble in street.

Lou:  Don’t they have plumbing, or outhouses or something like that in Scramsylvania?

Ilinca:  Sure, we got plenty outhouses.  Some people even got indoor plumbing.  But what good that for jack ass?  Plumbing is for people, not for big hairy animal.

Lou:  Ilinca, you shouldn’t say such things. He may be big and he may be hairy, but after all, every boy has a mother somewhere.  Think how it would hurt her if she heard you talking about her son like that.

Ilinca:  Oh Lou, you funny boy.

Lou:  Me?

Ilinca:  Sure, whole time  when I talking about jack ass,  you think I talking about man.

Lou:  Weren’t you?

Ilinca:  No, I talking about real jack ass, not man make jack ass out of self.

Lou:  Oh.  I bet you think I’m pretty silly.

Ilinca:  No, I no think you silly Lou.  You sweet boy.  I like you.

Lou:You do?

Ilinca:  Sure, you believe all kinds of things, it make what I doing so much easier.

Lou;  Makes what easier, Ilinca?

Ilinca:  Oh, nothing, I guess I just thinking out loud.  What we talking about before get we get confused about jack ass?

Lou:  We were talking about Scramsylvania.

Ilinca:  Yes, that is right.  You telling me you learn about Transylvania from movies, and now you want me tell you about Scramsylvania.

Lou:  That’s right.

Ilinca;  Well, what you want to know?

Lou:  Tell me what it’s  like there, in Scramsylvania.

Ilinca:  Is lot like Transylvania.

Lou:  How much is a lot?

 

To be continued …

 

Copyright 2017 r.k.morris