Get some chills and laughs, inspired by the classic horror and comedy-mystery films of the past. Fun for all ages. Grab a part, break a leg, and ham on!

Mystery-comedy script.  Click here to start at Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Uncle Charlie:  I’d like to oblige you Cesar, but I hardly think it’s my place.  You should speak to Joan’s parents.

Joan:  No, Uncle Charlie!

Uncle Charlie:  What is wrong with that suggestion, dear?

Joan:  We’re wasting time.  I mean, it seems like an awful lot of trouble to go tracking down Mom and Dad, when you can settle things right away, I mean, after all, we’re a very close family, and they trust your judgement.

Uncle Charlie: Joan, don’t put me in this spot.

Joan:  Uncle Charlie, please?

Uncle Charlie: Alright dear, I’ll do it, on one condition.

Joan:  Thank you Uncle Charlie.

Uncle Charlie:  Listen to my condition before you get too excited.

Joan: Alright, name it.

Uncle Charlie: It’s simply this: that if your mother and father object or show the least hesitation in allowing you to attend the dance with this young man, the whole thing is off, and no hard feelings.  Agreed?

Joan:  Agreed.  But you’ll let me tell them about him in my own way?

Uncle Charlie:  Fair enough, as long as I am present to make sure you don’t leave out any important details.

Joan:  Alright.

Uncle Charlie:  Very well then.  Cesar, as the senior member of this family present, and acting on behalf of my sister and brother-in-law, and pending their final approval of the arrangement, I give you permission to escort my niece Joan to the Homecoming dance.

Cesar:  Oh boy!  Thank you Uncle Charlie.  You no be sorry.  I make good escort for Joan.  We have good time, but no monkey business, not even on  dance floor.

Uncle Charlie:  That’s fine Cesar.

Cesar:  Yes sir, I telling you.  You can trust Cesar.  Whole time on dance floor, these hands, see?  One hand here, holds her hand, her soft, dainty hand, and one hand here, in middle of back.  No slipping down of the hand, no, no.  I be a perfect gentleman the whole time.

Uncle Charlie:  I am sure Joan’s parents will be glad to hear that.

Cesar:  They not the only ones.

Uncle Charlie: I beg your pardon?

Cesar:  I was  thinking of–of my mother.  Always she wants me to be a perfect gentleman.  She so sweet.  She get hurt if she think I no act like gentleman.  Ilinca knows.  Isn’t that right, Ilinca?

Ilinca:  That’s right, Cesar.

Cesar:  And I was thinking how pleased Mama will be when she finds out what a perfect gentleman I am at  Homecoming dance.

Ilinca:  That’s right Cesar.  She  be pleased.  And you be plenty sorry if you do something that not please Mama.

Cesar: Oh, trust me, Ilanca, I not do anything that not please Mama.

Ilinca:  You such a good boy, Cesar.  I tell Mama all about what perfect gentleman you are at Homecoming dance.

Cesar:  Oh…Thank you Ilinca.

Enter Grigore

Ilinca:  Cesar, look, is Uncle Grigore.  We over here, Uncle Grigore.  Cesar, call Uncle Grigore, so he see us.

Cesar:  Oh, yes, Uncle Grigore, we over here.

Grigore:  Here you two.  I look all up and down the Main Street for you.

Ilinca:  What’s that Uncle Grigore, you got a little problem, you need to ask about all alone?  Okay, just a second.  Excuse me folks, Uncle Grigore, need to talk to me all alone.  I be just a minute.  (pulls Grigore aside)  Listen, I no got time to explain right now, you just need to know that Cesar and I pretend to be brother and sister.  Also he pretend be only sixteen years and I only fifteen years.

Grigore:  Why you pretend such things?

Ilinca:  Like I say, I no got time to explain, only that we got to fool those kids. You recognize those kids?

Grigore:  Sure, they high school students help with play in Little Theatre.  Why you want fool those kids?  They nice kids.

Ilinca:  We got to fool them so maybe we find out what they know.  Cesar, he’s sitting here for long time, he hears them talk all about strange things going on at Little Theatre.  We no want them get in way of plans to find treasure.

Grigore: Ilinca, I no like this.  You hiding around Little Theatre, look for treasure, more like thief in night.  Why big secret, why Professor make all these pretends?  Now you want fool these nice kids.  I say you let Professor find treasure on own, we go home now, leave this before trouble start.

Ilinca:  No!  We got to help Professor find treasure, otherwise he no pay us,  Cesar and I wait long time get married.  This our big chance to have enough money, get married.

Grigore:  Don’t take so much money get married.  We go home, I give you my little bit money, then you and Cesar get married.

Ilinca:  Uncle Grigore, you so kind, but no, I no can take your money.  Besides, we got to do this.  I think if we try leave now, there be even more trouble.  Professor maybe get angry, and Plamen …

Grigore:  Plamen make threats at you?

Ilinca:  No, he no make threats, but I no like look in his eyes.  I tell you, that Plamen, he frightens me.  We stay, finish job for Professor, then, after he pay us, we go home, forget all about this bad business.

Grigore:  Okay, we stay, you finish job for Professor, but I no like.  What you want me do?

Ilinca:  Just pretend Cesar and  I brother and sister, and that we teen-agers, like I tell you.  Also, I tell you now,  worst part is Cesar pretend to have big crush on Joan.  I want you watch him, Uncle Grigore, make sure he behave.

Grigore:  Okay Ilinca.  I watch Cesar.  Also I pretend, but I no like fooling nice kids.  Who is man with kids?

Ilinca:  He is  Uncle Charlie.  He nice too, just like kids.  We make friends right away.

Grigore:  You think you fool Uncle Charlie too?

Ilinca:  Sure, he believe everything Cesar and I tell them.  Now come on, I introduce you now. (To others)  Every body, Uncle Charlie, Joan, Bonita, Lou, and Huntz, I want introduce you to my, and Cesar’s , Uncle Grigore.  Uncle Grigore, this everybody like I just say.

Grigore:  How you do everybody? Is nice to meet you.

Uncle Charlie:  Nice to meet you too Grigore, or should I call you Uncle Grigore, since your niece and nephew have been kind enough to adopt me as their uncle?

Grigore:  That’s okay Uncle Charlie; I no mind either way, you can call me Grigore, or you can call me Uncle Grigore, same goes for kids too.

Bonita:  Well, Uncle Grigore, we were just about to go see the Milford Wax Museum.  Would you care to join us?

Lou: Remember, count me out.  I’m not going anywhere near those monsters, even if they are made of wax.

Ilinca:  Monsters?  What monsters, Lou?

Lou:  The Wolf-man, and Dracula, and the Frankenstein monster and the Bride of Frankenstein.

Ilinca:  Bride of Frankenstein, really?  Is cosy, no?

Lou:  Cosy or no cosy, I’m not going in there.  I’ll just stay out here, in the sunshine, with the bright leaves, and the fresh air, and no monsters.

Grigore:  You no like the monsters, Lou?

Lou:  No, not me.

Grigore:  Not even make-believe?

Lou:  No sir.  I’ll take my chances out here in the sunshine.

Grigore:  How you know there no monsters out here?

Lou:  If there were monsters out here, I would see them.

Grigore:  What about Invisible Man?

Lou:  The Invisible Man wasn’t a monster, he was a man.

Grigore:  Sure, same as Wolf-man is man until he turn into werewolf.

Lou:  (Utters frightened exclamation)  What was that?  I thought I felt some one breathing down my neck.

Uncle Charlie:  Relax Lou, there is no one behind you.

Lou:  How do you know?  If he’s invisible, you wouldn’t see him.

Ilinca:  You know Lou, I no want to see monsters either.  I stay out here in sunshine with you.  Invisible Man no bother both of us, if we stay close together.

Lou:  You mean you’ll stay out here and protect me, I mean keep me company?

Ilinca:  Sure, I stay with you.

 

To be continued . . .

 

copyright 2017 r.k.morris