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Click here to read Ski Bums and Sagbutts- A Madcap Frolic in the Snow (Parts 1 to 4)
We left Phil and Frankie in Mr. Gordon’s cabin. While Mr. Gordon dozed after being buried in a small avalanche, the boys carried on a conversation that turned to love. The tail -end of their talk went something like this as Phil asked:
“I want you to take a good look at me. Go ahead. Take your time. Look at my face. Do you think that in the eyes of a fine, beautiful, intelligent woman like Alice I would look like a dope?”
“Curly, that’s asking an awful lot, even as your best friend.”
“Let me have it Frankie.”
“Honestly?”
“I can take it.”
“All right, you asked for it. . .”
We now resume our tale, with Phil awaiting Frankie’s pronouncement:
“No.”
“What a relief!”
“Not a dope exactly.”
“Huh?”
“Of course you’re not exactly Cary Grant.”
“Hold on a minute. I didn’t ask you if I looked like Cary Grant.”
“Or Robert Taylor, or Tyrone Power.”
“That’s aiming awful high Frankie. I just want to make sure you think I stand a chance-”
“Or Edward Everett Horton.”
“Edward Everett Horton? Wait a minute, are you saying I’m not as handsome a man as Edward Everett Horton?”
“You have to admit, he’s a great actor.”
“I know he’s a great actor. He’s one of the funniest guys on the screen. And do you know why he’s so funny? Because his character is usually some sort of confused, not-too-bright, busy body, which in anybody’s book is a type of dope.”
“But you have to admit, he’s loveable.”
“Well, maybe, in a sorry sort of way. I mean, some of those faces he makes, like in Top Hat, right before Helen Broderick socks him in the eye.”
“Ouch. What was that line Fred Astaire’s character used to describe the shiner she gave him? It was something to do with eggs.”
“Eggs? What eggs? The line was that his eye looked “Like a sunrise by Maxfield Parrish.”
“Yeah, that’s it; reminds me of eggs: sunny-side up.”
“Sometimes I wonder how your brain works. Does any thought ever go from Point A to Point B, or are you always taking the scenic route by way of Kalamazoo, Chattanooga, Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga ?”
“I guess it’s just my artistic temperament. You ought to know about that, Curly. Speaking of Top Hat, Erik Rhodes plays a dope, and he is handsome.”
“Sure he’s handsome, but his characters are always some ridiculous caricature. It’s a good thing I’m not bald, or you’d start comparing me to Eric Blore.”
“What’s wrong with that? I have an uncle who looks like Eric Blore. He’s a great guy. Does a wonderful impression of Eric Blore too.”
“You’ve got someone in your family that looks like everyone. Remind me never to go see a Frankenstein movie with you because you’ll probably have a cousin or someone who looks just like Karloff.”
“With or without the make-up?”
“Cut it out, will you? All I asked you was a simple question, and right away you have to start comparing me to Hollywood leading men. Robert Taylor, Tyrone Power, Cary Grant. What chance does a guy have?”
“Cary Grant can look like a dope.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sure, remember in Bringing Up Baby, he played that dopey scientist named Bone or something.”
“Yeah, except Bone wasn’t really his name. That’s just what Katherine Hepburn’s character told her aunt.”
“Sure, sure, but that’s not the point. The point is that even a handsome leading man like Cary Grant can look like and act like a dope.”
“You’re right Frankie.”
“All they had to do was throw a pair of horn-rimmed spectacles on him, and there you have it: instant dope!”
“Yeah. With horn-rimmed spectacles, even Cary Grant can look like a dope. Wait a minute Frankie. I don’t wear spectacles, horn-rimmed or otherwise.”
“That’s okay Curly, you don’t need spectacles to look like a dope.”
“I don’t? ”
“No, you’re a natural.”
“A natural? Really?”
“Sure. If you don’t believe me, just look in that mirror over there.”
“Okay–hey, wait a minute, what’s going on here? I thought you were my best pal, now you’ve got me talked into wanting to look like a dope.
“Not just any dope Curly; a Cary Grant-ish dope.”
“Well, I suppose that’s all right then. Still, I don’t think it’s too much for a guy to ask his best pal to give him some encouragement about being worthy of the girl of his dreams.”
“You told me to be honest.”
“Yeah, yeah, I suppose I asked for it. ”
“Hey Curly, cheer up will you? You can’t be serious about this. You’re talented, smart, and handsome; and you have one of those hearts of gold you’re always talking about. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“Really Frankie, no kidding?”
“No kidding. I was just pulling your leg about being a natural. It’s ridiculous to think of you, of all people, being insecure. On top of everything else, you’ve made a name for yourself, and you’ve got plenty of dough Most guys would give their eye teeth to trade places with you.”
“Gosh Frankie, I never thought of that.”
“Of course you didn’t, Curly, because as if looks, brains, talent, wealth and fame weren’t enough, you’re also humble. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for me to rib you along so far. If you could see yourself the way other people do, you wouldn’t need any encouragement from me. So stop worrying. Alice has it for you just as bad as you have it for her.”
“She does? Has she told you so?”
“She doesn’t have to tell me. I can see it in her eyes every time you two are together. Plus, if that weren’t enough Olivia has dropped some hints too.”
“Olivia? Hints about Alice’s feelings for me? What did she tell you?”
“I can’t remember her exact words, but it was something pretty good. Sounded kind of definite.”
“Thank you Ol’ Professor Kyser. That was most informative. “Pretty good” and “Kind of definite” he says.
“I tell you Curly, stop worrying about this. Any girl would be glad to have you interested in her.”
“I’m not interested in any girl but Alice.”
“You might not be interested in them, but they’ll be interested in you. What will Alice think?”
“What will Alice think? What will Alice think about what?”
“About the other women.”
“Other women? What other women? Frankie, what are you going on about? Who said anything about other women?”
“I did Curly, for your own sake. You got me thinking about this and I suddenly realized that a fellow like you has got to take care; to make sure he doesn’t get himself entangled.”
“Entangled? Who’s gonna get entangled? I told you Frankie, I’m done chasing.”
“You don’t have to do the chasing. They’ll do it for you.”
“They? Who they?”
“The other women.”
There was a knock at the door of the cabin.
“Who could that be? I’ll get it.” Phil rejoined the thread of their conversation as he walked to the door. “Now stop going on about other women, will you? I tell you there are no other women in my life, and there aren’t going to be any. Not even one.” He opened the door. “Oh, Hello, uh, Miss?“
To be continued. . .
Cover painting: Sunrise by Maxfield Parrish.
Click here to read Ski bums and sagbutts: A madcap frolic in the snow. (Part 1fb).
Click here to read Ski bums and Sagbutts: A Madcap Frolic in the Snow (Part 2fb).
Ski bums and Sagbutts: A Madcap Frolic in the Snow (Part 3fb).
Ski bums and Sagbutts– A Madcap Frolic in the Snow (Part 4fb).
Copyright 2017 r.k.morris