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Mystery – comedy script.  Click here to start at the beginning

Campfire Creepers Three: Mystery at the Milford Wax Museum (part 1)

 

Ilinca:  Well, you tell me what kind movies you see about Transylvania, I tell you how much like Scramsylvania.

Lou:  Which movies?  Let’s see, first there’s Frankenstein.

Ilinca:  Ya, is lot like Frankenstein.

Lou:  The Wolf-man?

Ilinca:  Is lot like Wolf-man too.

Lou:  And Dracula?

Ilinca:  Is like Dracula most of all.

Lou;  Oh.  I was afraid you were going to say that.

Ilinca:  Why?  What is trouble?

Lou:  Oh, no trouble.  I just want to make sure I understand what you’re talking about, without jumping to any false conclusions on my own.

Ilinca:  You mean like jack ass?

Lou:  That’s exactly what I mean.  Now, can you give me an example of what you mean when you say your home is like the movie Dracula?

Ilanca:  Example?  Sure, you remember Borga Pass in Dracula story?

Lou:  Borga Pass?  With the wolves and the strange noises in the night and  the mysterious coach driver?

Ilinca:  That the place.  People from our village, we walk by Borga Pass all the time.

Lou:  How — how is your home like the Wolf-man?

Ilinca;  You remember gypsy who tell fortune of Larry Talbot?   ‘Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.’?

Lou:  I wish I didn’t, but I do.

Ilinca:  We got gypsies tell same fortunes today.   Tourists love to come hear gypsy tell scary fortune.  Same gypsy woman as tell Larry Talbot fortune still live near village.  She hundred and twenty-nine years old,   She no longer tell fortune though.  Her daughter, she tell fortune now, she only eighty-three years old.

Lou:  That same gypsy, her daughter, tells the same fortune to tourists today?

Ilinca;  All the time.

Lou:  Do you get many tourists in Scramsylvania?

Ilinca:  That depends on how you look at it.

Lou: On how you look at it?

Ilinca:  Sure, if you look at tourists coming into country, you see plenty of tourists.  But, if you look at tourists leaving country, you not see so many.

Lou:  Oh, I get it, they come in, but they don’t get out.

Ilinca:  That’s right.

Lou:  What am I saying?  They don’t get out!  Werewolves, vampires!

Ilinca:  Anything else you want to know about Scramsylvania?

Lou:  I’ll probably wish I never asked, but how is Scramsylvania like the movie Frankenstein?

Ilinca:  Why you wish you never ask?  Scramsylvania like movie Frankenstein for simplest reason.  Nothing scary.

Lou:  No, nothing scary?

Ilinca:  No.  No Borga Pass, no gypsies telling scary fortune.

Lou:  I’m awful glad to hear you say that.

Ilinca: Sure you glad,  Wait till you hear rest:  is simply from window of  house I can see  ruins of tower where Baron von Frankenstein put together pieces of dead bodies and bring monster to life.

Lou:  From your window you can see the ruins of the tower where Baron Frankenstein put together the pieces of dead bodies and brought the monster to life?

Ilinca:  That’s right.

Lou:  And that’s not scary?

Ilinca:  Sure, nobody seen monster for a long time.  Not like Dracula and were-wolves.

Lou:  Nobody has seen the Frankenstein monster for a long time?

Ilinca:  No, he usually  come out after big thunderstorm, you know, I think lightning get him charged up.  Then he go roaming around countryside, looking for his Bride.

Lou:  All these years, he still roams around the countryside, looking for his Bride?  Hasn’t he found her?

Ilinca:  If he find Bride, why he still roam?   Be pretty silly monster(to self) or else dirty, no good wolf, always chasing some blonde Betty. (to Lou)  No, I think she play hard to get.  Nobody seen Bride of Frankenstein for many years.

Lou:  Aren’t you scared you’ll run into the Frankenstein monster one night while he’s out roaming?  I mean, what do people do?

Ilinca;  We take precautions.  We got precautions against all the monsters.

Lou:  You do?  What are they?  I’d like to know, in case I ever run into one of them.

Ilinca:  Well, first for Frankenstein monster, he is afraid of fire, you remember?  So in village in Scramsylvania, we all carry torch with us all the time.

Lou:  A torch, all the time?  Do you have it with you now?

Ilinca: Sure I got.  Is not lit, but I show you, here it is.

Lou:  That’s a torch?  That looks kind of small.

Ilinca:  Is convenient travel size.  Big torch  at home, not fit in bag.  So, I carry torch all the time, just in case of Frankenstein monster.

Lou: Okay, just so I don’t forget, you carry a torch  just in case of Frankenstein monster?

Ilinca:  That’s right.  Then there are the were-wolves.  For the were-wolves we got the silver bullet.  You remember how the only way to stop the were- wolf is with  silver bullet?  Let me see, it  here somewhere. . .ah, here it is, see silver bullet.  I carry all the time, just in case of were-wolf.  Then for Dracula and other vampires, we got the cross.  She, here is cross, I wear around my neck.

Lou:  I see, you carry the silver bullet just in case of were-wolves, and wear the cross  just in case of vampires.

Ilinca:  Well, the silver bullet I carry  only in case of were-wolf, but I wear cross anyway,  vampire or no vampire.  Still, is nice to know vampires afraid of cross.

Lou:  Okay, I get it.

Ilinca:  Look here, Lou.  I got extra silver bullet.  You like to take extra silver bullet?

Lou:  A silver bullet?  For me?

Ilinca:  Sure, to protect you, in case of were-wolf.

Lou:  I think I’d better not.  I could get in a lot of trouble carrying a silver bullet around at school.

Ilinca:  You no carry round at school.  School is in daytime.  Were-wolf only come out at at night, after sun go down, and moon in sky.

Lou:  Really, only at night?

Ilinca: Sure, you no remember movie?

Lou:  That’s right, they only come out at night, like in the movie.

Ilinca:  Ya and only on nights of full moon, not so much to worry about as vampire, could come out any night.

Lou:  That’s right.  Oh, Thank you Ilinca, you’ve made me feel a lot better already.  Were-wolves only come out during a full moon; that’s only a few nights a month.

Ilinca:  Sure, like tonight.

Lou:  Tonight?  There’s going to be a full moon tonight?

Ilinca: Ya, Full moon is tonight.

Lou:  Are you sure?

Ilinca:  People live in Scramsylvania always sure when is going to be full moon.  That’s why I double-check, make sure I got silver bullet before sun goes down.

Lou: Come to think of it  Ilinca, I would like to take that extra silver bullet, if you don’t mind.

Ilinca: Sure, here  is bullet.

To be continued. . .

Copyright 2017 r.k.morris